She will do him good ALL the days of her life.

 "One by one each item was

lovingly pulled out

and gently laid forth by the hands 

of an older sister. 

Watching intently, the little girl's

face glowed and her heart

beat with anticipation as yet another

treasure was revealed.

Each item held something special.

Each one a story to be told.

Many from the hands of loving parents,

but some specially chosen

by the young woman to be included 

in this precious collection.

It was simple to see that this was no mere

collection of random things,

but contained future hopes and dreams

yet unfulfilled. Awaiting the arrival of the

one for whom her heart was kept and whose

home she was designed to bless."  

                                             ~Janine




     
     As a girl, I loved to sit and watch as my much older sister laid out her hope chest wares! It is one of my favorite childhood memories. She didn't have a "hope chest" per se, but she certainly had a closet full of things. Both of my older sisters were well equipped for starting their own homes long before Mr. Right (if you'll permit me) came along. My parents desired that their girls wouldn't enter a marriage empty handed and they instilled in us a desire to be prepared in a material way as well as an emotional, physical, and most importantly spiritually way. I thank my parents for creating in me this desire, but each girl has to accept it as her own. Honestly, it's rare that I meet a like-minded girl in this area and that's okay! Not everyone has to agree with me on this, but for those of you who have never thought much about it....I'd like to share with you what my parents have shared with me and what I hope to share, Lord willing, with my daughters someday.

A friend's hope chest....(www.swedishfishe.blogspot.com)

So where did the hope chest originate from?


History of hope chests:


     Okay, first some history. The traditional hope chests were wooden trunks or boxes that were used to store special articles of clothing and other household goods for a bride to use after her marriage. I find it neat that many hope chests were made by brothers and fathers or passed down by the mother or grandmother. In many countries, the bottom drawer in a girl's dresser was set aside for this purpose. Although many of us own beautifully designed hope chests, the original hope chests were more like trunks or wooden boxes. Although sturdy and durable, they were often made to be quickly disassembled for easy travel. Since a woman's hope chest became a family relic, built to last generations, it needed to travel well. I often wonder how many hope chests lay strewn on the many wagon trails headed West. I could easily see how they would be one of the hardest things to leave behind.


     The tradition of filling a hope chest seems to have developed from the dowry custom in the United States in the late 1800s. Upon marriage, young women were expected to bring a dowry with them into the marriage. This usually consisted of money and most of the items to set up their own home. Due to the enormity of the task, girls often started filling their hope chests at a very young age. Girls were taught to make quilts, sheets, table linens, as well as collect silverware, dishes etc... There were also many special mementos tucked safely away such as photographs, books, recipes passed down from generation to generation. At different times in history a girl's hope chest often contained her hand sewn wedding dress and appropriate clothing for the first few months of marriage.


     The parents were often a huge part of filling their daughter's chest. However, the amount of parental involvement usually depended on the income. If the family was wealthy the girl would have a very substantial dowry by the time she was of age or it was given all at once upon marriage. The gifts of a wealthier family were usually money, jewels, gold, silks etc....whereas a poorer family could only provide what their hands could create or perhaps hand-me-downs. In medieval Europe, numerous marriages were arranged by parents so as to merge family fortunes. A wealthy prospective groom’s family offered the bride’s family money, land, or even business ownership in order to win her hand in marriage. In turn, the bride’s family provided the new couple with everything they needed to start their lives together. This gift, which was called a dowry included linens, china, silverware, glassware, kitchen items, and even furniture. Gifts given varied, but always had value of some sort. For example, "Caleb gave to his daughter a dowry of a field with springs of water (Judges 1:15)."  Unfortunately, a girl whose parents were particularly poor usually had to create her dowry entirely on her own. It was disgraceful if a girl didn't have a dowry of some kind and often friends would help if needed to make sure the girl had a dowry. When a girl married, it was expected that she would come prepared to set up the new household. Granted, I believe that she had help with this task, but it was something that she was expected to do and something she truly focused on, delighted in, and blessed her husband with.

                                                 


What are Bridal showers for anyways??? 


     The custom of the bridal shower was thought to have come from when a poor woman's family couldn't provide a dowry, or if her father refused a dowry because he didn't sanction the marriage. In these situations, friends of the woman would gather together and give gifts that would compensate for the amount of dowry lost so she could marry the man of her choice. As the story goes, there was a young Dutch girl who fell in love with a Dutch miller. He was poor, however, because he would always give his money to the more needy. When the young Dutch girl told her father that she wanted to marry the miller he disapproved and refused to offer a dowry. The townspeople did approve, however, and each brought a gift to help the young couple start their married lives. With such displays of generosity, the father was won over and so the bridal shower tradition began. Bridal showers also originated to strengthen friendships amongst the bride and her girl friends. They were to give the bride moral support and prepare her better for marriage. The giving of gifts is fairly new; originating in the 1890s. At one shower, the bride's friend placed gifts in a parasol that she held over the bride's head so that the gifts would "shower" over her. Once this word hit the fashion pages, other women decided they wanted bridal showers as well!


     It's easy to think, "why should I be preparing when I'll get everything and more at my bridal shower?" It's true bridal showers have been a traditional way for your family and friends to lovingly share in your joy and help you set up a household. However, they were not meant to literally "set you up." I look at showers as more of a way to bless a young couple and add to the substantial amount of things that the young lady has been thriftily putting away. Also, unless your parents are super wealthy and you attend numerous wedding showers with wealthy friends, it's not going to amount to much and honestly why should it? The community or family shouldn't bear the brunt of setting up every young couple that decides to marry. Bridal showers should be a time of joy and celebration and not of worry and collecting enough loot for your future home! And if you think that a few towels, kitchen supplies, etc...are going to start you out, you have no clue what it takes to start a home. You might say, "well, I don't expect my friends to supply much, but my family should help with that, right? I mean you mentioned that part about parents providing the dowry, right?" Perhaps, it's because I'm from a large family with tons of girls, and not a huge income that I see the importance of setting things aside. By the time all of us girls are married, my parents will have paid for six weddings! I don't know about you, but that's no small job and anything I can do to make that easier or assist my husband in making our first year easier are things that I would delight to do. I realize the idea of a dowry is old fashioned, but it certainly smacks of good sense! ;)



What does our unpreparedness say about us girls?


     I was garage saling last summer and overheard a conversation between two women about an upcoming community wedding. They were talking about the bridal shower and what they should purchase for the future bride.  The one lady said to the other, "anything would be helpful, she has basically nothing!" The tone of voice was sad, surprised, and honestly almost as though they were embarrassed for the poor girl! Too often I hear responses like this. My question, is why??? What does this say to the world around us about marriage? I think it says that we don't think marriage is important enough to prepare for OR even that marriage just takes us by surprise! Come on girls, we all know that someday we'll most likely get married, right? ;) Surprise, surprise. So, knowing that, what are you doing about it? When we prepare it shows that we consider marriage important and it demonstrates maturity and responsibility that we are thinking past today. I realize that the parents of the bride usually created the dowry,  but in most cases the daughter added to it or if she was poor created it all herself. Why not be the girl that was so prepared that other mothers admired you and hoped their daughters would follow in your footsteps? Why not delight in assisting your future husband, even now, by preparing to set up a future household with him? What's wrong with this idea? Old fashioned,  perhaps. Radical in today's society? Of course, but do you REALLY think your husband is going to say, "you know dear....I really wish you hadn't put so much "stock" in this hope chest idea? Of course not and if he does maybe he's not what you are looking for. No, he is going to thank the Lord for such a frugal and caring wife. Trust me I have brothers wanting to get married and sisters already married. :)




Things ain't what they used to be!


     Let me ask you a question. Do you have any clue what it takes to start a household? Although not experienced, I do have a "clue" (although that is about it :P) and it makes me dizzy just thinking about it. I don't desire to run from this reality in fear, but I must admit it's not going to be easy. My dad and I enjoy long talks about the future, politics, theology, and things of mutual interest. One thing that he has mentioned many a time, is how much harder it is for a young couple, just starting out, to make a go of it. Back in his day, the young man got out of highschool, got an average job, and "got hitched." However, things are very different in todays economy. It's so easy to say "but the man is the provider." YES, he certainly is, and NO you shouldn't usurp his authority....no no no, BUT he is saving up for a house, car, property etc.... Just think how nice it would be if more of his hard earned money could go towards those things instead of setting up the home? There's nothing unbiblical about preparing to set up your future home, in fact the idea of the dowry is very much connected with this idea.




What's the worth of your cedar bank?  

     Believe it or not the contents of your hope chest should be worth something! In a way, it's your dowry and should hold value. When you go into marriage the things you have carefully made, purchased etc... should hold some value, Lord willing. Most of us girls have saved sentimental things of worth, but have we thought about any real worth?? Although I'm a sentimental person and I must admit I like to collect such things, I cannot bake on scrap books or cook on china all the time. Sentimental things have their place please don't discount them, but also don't ONLY put value in them.


The desperate need for frugality!

     
     Just in passing I thought I'd mention how crucial it is that we learn frugality while we are single! This is something I struggle with being generous to a fault, but I've been working on it with the Lord's help, but it's not a habit easy created nor is overspending a bad habit easily broken. We all know that our future husbands will make less than our fathers, for the most part, but do we really understand what that means? Do we know how to do with less now? What makes us think that we'll stop and think with our husbands money later if we are spending our father's money like water now? Also, speaking of frugality don't break the bank buying things for your future. Be smart and savy and add as you can afford.


"Beware of little expenses; a small leak will sink a great ship.”
~Benjamin Franklin 


Counting the costs!

     
     Once again, just in passing, for those of you planning weddings or thinking along those lines have you thought about wedding costs? Perhaps considered getting your dress used or at discount? Maybe having friends or family take pics, make the cake etc... I have been very impressed with how frugal and yet beautiful several of my friends weddings have been of late. Weddings don't have to put you in debt or drain the penny bank! Perhaps you'd rather save your money for this endeavor than for household items...not a bad idea. Just some thoughts...


Disclaimer: Throwing the baby out with the bath water?

     Although I'm advocating hope chests and setting things aside for your future homes, I think it's important that we don't put TOO much stock in material things!! For what good does it do if we "go to hell in a hope chest?" as one writer warns. Indeed, it's not like we can take anything with us when our Master calls us home. And to be completely honest I'd rather be poor as a church mouse when I get married, but have a humble, submissive, and obedient spirit than have a beautiful hope chest full of nice things! Prov 12:4, Prov 19:14, Prov 31:10 I can always buy things later, but godliness is hard to come by and only learned through trusting, self-sacrifice and the fires of sanctification. Okay, so you might be wondering by now why I think it's such a great thing to fill a hope chest IF, indeed, they are mere material things?? :P It's very easy to throw the baby out with the bath water in so many areas of life!  I must admit that I do it way too often! We tend to be ALL or NOTHING about things instead of doing things in moderation. I'm not saying to shoot the hope chest idea, but to keep it in perspective and see that it indeed has a place and purpose.




So what's a girl to collect?  

Okay, now that we've talked about why you should prepare, let's look at what in world we are supposed to be saving? ;) Every girl will probably set aside different things, but a few ideas are:


Kitchen supplies*-This could include appliances, utensils, canning supplies, etc...
Books/resources-theology books, reference books, health books, children's books, homeschooling books etc...
Natural products*-herbs, salves, tinctures...think about starting your own medicine chest.
Blankets, afghans etc...These make such beautiful hope chests additions if you can knit, crochet, or quilt.
Furniture-bookshelves, hopechests, tables, etc...
Dvds/cds- documentaries, commentaries, favorite movies
Pictures- Think about framing the pictures you painted, your photography, your cross-stitch projects, calligraphy etc... There's not much more special than putting your "own" touches in your new home.
Seeds-You might smile at this one, but do some research and see for yourself. There's a war on our seeds and before you know it, all of America's seeds will be owned by Monsanto and only genetically modified seeds will be available.  Consider heirloom seeds as a possibility.
Instruments: If you currently play an instrument, but don't own one....keep your eyes open: piano, violin, trumpet, handbells etc. For example, I purchased my trumpet on ebay, my violin was a customer return, my saxophone was from a yard sale, and my hand chimes were second hand.  
*It's important to remember that things can expire or warranties end before you've had a chance to use your supplies. Just keep this in mind. 


These are just helpful suggestions. The list of things you could save up is exhastive and slightly different for every girl. Anything that can be used to set up a household someday will be a benefit and a blessing when that times comes. I'm not writing this post so you'll all hit the mall tomorrow (please don't shop at the mall) but just to get your creativeness flowing. :)

Some items from a friend's hope chest....

                             Nontraditional items to collect....gotta luv being different! ;)
                                                I found this on a girl's blog recently.



Something NEW and something old and something cute. 


Below are some tips for "buying" things. I have been collecting things since I was 16 so I have learned a lot about what to buy or not to buy and I'm still learning, just ask my siblings. ;)

 One of my thrift store finds....my daddy pointed out that I'd need all those plates just to serve the relatives. ;)




 *Hey, it's on sale!
I think this is one of the big ones. It's so easy, trust me, when in a hopechesting mood to ignore the bright colored sales tags.  It's important, just like using your brain when your emotions are in high gear, to use your noggin when hit with the nesting instinct. Ask yourself, will I really use it and do I really need it? This is hard, but super important. Get over the fact that it's your favorite color and be realistic about it. Will you use it someday or will it sit and collect dust on your kitchen shelf someday? Sales are great and I don't recommend buying everything new or retail, but it's got to be first and foremost something you'll use or really like. If it's just not right....walk away.


 *Seriously, does this look like me or my sister?
Another good question to ask is does this look like me? It's similar to the point above, but different. It's easy to think something's cute, but is it YOU? Honestly why buy an amazingly nice quality set of farm scene dishes if you have always wanted a modern kitchen decorated with polka dots? Not that I'm recommending polka dotted kitchens per se, but you get my point? ;) Just keep in perspective what you are looking for. Don't worry! There will always be more sales! And next time you might look regretfully on the box of polka plates wishing you hadn't bought the others! ;)


*Hey, it's cute who cares about quality?
Okay, we are all girls so this one can be tough, but still important. My mother has always liked practical plain styles which has been kinda tough on her six very decorative, creative, and artistic girls. However, one thing that our mother's practicalness has instilled in us is that we need to purchase things to last. Practicality has it's place. I'd have to say that there is certainly a balance between practicality and cuteness, but focus on good quality and then the cuteness. You can always buy poorer quality later when you are married and just need something, but think futuristic when you purchase something right now. Will this last for more than the first year?


*Buying big and boring:
Another thing that my mother has impressed on my mind is "avoid the littles." Although it's hard not to buy the brightly colored kitchen utensils, measuring spoons etc....you might consider waiting a bit or not overdoing it. More than likely these are the things that you'll receive at your bridal shower. I really try to purchase the larger items like mixers, blenders, stainless steel cookware, knives, wood cutting boards etc... I guess what you might call the bigger, boring items. You can buy the fun stuff later, buy the important stuff now. My rule of thumb is 75% useful, practical, and quality, and 25% cute. :) AND if something fits in both camps, hey....great! :)


*Get used to being picky!
I think this kinda wraps all the other points up, but be picky with what enters your collection. There are a few things that I plan to get rid of once I unpack all of my things. It's easy to allow things like poor quality items, things you'll never use, etc... to infiltrate your collection.  If you can't see yourself using it, get rid of it or it will just clutter up your room and someday your house!

Don't underestimate skills and knowledge  

     Often we think we only need to collect stuff, but honestly your skills and knowledge are just as important if not more! I'm continually impressed by the diversity of skills many mothers including my own have obtained. Many of them can change a tire, play the piano, sing, paint the house, grout the floor, drive the tractor, sew, quilt, can, etc...My mother never ceases to amaze me in what she knows! She seems to know the answer to about everything and no matter there topic she is fairly educated on the matter. Reading and learning are so important! You plan to teach your kids, I assume? I hope so! I have spent some time homeschooling my siblings and it's a humbling experience to realize what I don't know and it gives me a child-like desire to know more! The past couple years I have made lists of what skills I'd like to obtain and what topics I'd like to learn better. And no, you won't master them all, but often many of them are very obtainable. I finally decided this year I was going to learn to quilt so my sister and I started taking classes. It was so much fun! It felt really nice to do something I've always wanted to learn. A few other things on my list are violin, photography, natural healing, piano performance, accounting/bookkeeping, canning etc...Write yourself a list and think of the things that you'd really like to know better or learn. It could be little things as crazy as learning to drive stick shift better, also on my list. ;) Pretty much anything goes. :) 

What if I never get married?



     Many older single girls don't see the point in saving up if they are never to get married. They view it as a waste and perhaps ammunition for disappointed dreams? However, it's not a waste! You don't know what God is doing in your life. Please don't assume that you know God's plans and give up (Jere 29:11). No matter where God has you, you will use what you have collected, married or not. For example, my sister decided after staying home for a bit that she was going to attend a local college. She moved to town and rented an apartment with several other girls. Every one of her roommates could hardly believe how many appliances, dishes, household wares she had collected! I'm quite sure my sister had no idea how unprepared the rest of the world was until this experience. Her roommates had absolutely nothing to furnish the apartment with, nothing to use in the kitchen, and little money to do much about it. Okay, so honestly I'm a mite sad that my sister didn't live home until she was married, and used her things to furnish  BUT my point still stands. What she had saved was very useful and guess what? She is now happily married and still using her well chosen, quality hope chest items. :) Your things will still be used. Perhaps they were used to bless someone else later. You just never know. :)


My desire in writing


     Okay, so I can get carried away on this topic and many others. :P Please don't feel bad if you don't have a dish or spoon to your name! My intention in writing this was not to bang all of you over the head with  a pot or pan! ;) This topic has been on my heart for years and could be why I am so passionate about it, perhaps a bit too much, huh. If my entire collection went up in smoke I'd have to say "Lord, Your will be done; thank you my family and I are still alive and perhaps I need to stop idolizing STUFF!" For Jesus says,"but lay up for yourselves treasure in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break and steal." Matt 6:20. My desire in writing this was to share my passion and without saying YOU MUST DO THIS!! :) There is a place for preparing for your future home, but like anything else prioritize it and don't overdo it. My desire was to share my passion and get you all thinking, and as the Lord leads you, acting and preparing. Even if you decide this is not you, at least ask yourselves "in what ways am I preparing to be married?"


Thanks for reading! :)
Blessings,
~Kaitlin